John Kline and a Fistful of Dollars — Just Not Dirty Stinkin’ Earmark Dollars

Can you believe John Kline?  First he spends our country out of a surplus and into a record deficit.  Then after the Republicans run the economy into the ground, and the Democrats gain power, he all of the sudden is Mr. fiscally responsible republican.

In fact he is so fiscally responsible, that the Washington system just won’t work for him anymore.  He has seen the light, or  was it he could see the writing on the wall?  No more federal funding for transit in the district, those tainted federal matching dollars shouldn’t make into the district’s business bank accounts, the pockets of laborers or be used for the safety of CD2 citizens.  No, we should let those evil other-white-meat dollars go to an already — beyond saving state —  like California or Illinois.

Kline can’t be involved.  You know, blah, blah, blah.   The government is broken.  Blah, blah, blah.  Free market.  Blah, blah, blah.  I’m not going to be part of it, who cares if it helps his district.  Blah, blah, blah.  I carried the football.  Blah, blah, blah!

The drama players now present:

John Kline and a Fistful of Dollars — Just Not Dirty Stinkin’ Earmark Dollars

We join John Kline in his secret secluded hideaway, only known to his supporters —  He really is like a groundhog, he only comes out once a year or so… Sorry, back to the story. 

(please begin reading as if you are the narrator of a 1950s educational film)

There he is Representative John Kline of the great state of Texas – I mean Minnesota, faithfully responding to his mail.  What a diligent member, and so responsive to his constituents. 

Wait!  What’s that?  A blinking red phone on the desk?  It’s the hot-line ringing… 

Hello?  What’s that commissioner?  Car dealer owners who contribute to my campaign are in trouble.  I’ll be right ther—what is that?  Free markets?  Everybody knows that arguement only applies to Democ-RAT issues..  Ha! Ha! Ha!  I’ll be right there!  

Boy!  The automakers are in trouble and they want to restructure to be more profitable.  Heck, we can’t have that.  Everybody knows the small business car dealership owner is the backbone of the auto industry.  I will introduce legislation to cut autoworkers pay, and eliminate healthcare for autoworkers.  That way, the big auto dealers can continue operating business as usual. 

While I work on stripping the middleclass of everything, I am going to make sure you car dealers don’t run out of cash.  Today, I will introduce a bill to ensure you do not have to pay the money you owe to the union pension plans. 

Thanks Congressman Kline.  Since I don’t have to pay the evil unions, here is a check for the maximum I can contribute to your 2010 re-election campaign.

(Everybody turns, looks at the camera and smiles)

The End.

Today, John Kline was going to introduce a bill protecting auto dealers from having to pay millions of dollars to union pension plans.
I guess since the government is already involved in the auto industry, it is OK for John Kline to interfere with private business in this case.  Of course, I would like to know why a few business owners are more important to John Kline than the thousands of people who deal with the HWY 13 and HWY 5 intersection, or the thousands of people who cross the Hastings Bridge everyday.